FIFA’s response

FIFA has after careful consideration issued the following statement in response to Team Tom International’s statement.

FIFA takes all allegations of potential bribery very seriously and as such we have looked closely at the match referee Ian Haskell.

We have not found any evidence of any pies or pasties, however we did find evidence of Pizzas and burgers; however, we believe was from his halftime snack.

It has been decided not to continue the investigation as we believe further investigation of Ian Haskell would be an unsavoury and un-necessary experience.

With regards to the penalty incident we too have looked at the television footage. We have employed at great expense the best visual inspector know to us in this field of investigation, Mr B Hegerty. Mr Hegerty believes he now fully understands the situation and issued the following comment:

“I fully appreciate the difficulty of this decision placed on the referee, but I can confirm that the ball did hit Mr Tyler’s hand and that this was potentially deliberate. The decision was made more difficult due to the fact that I believe Mr Tyler was waving frantically at the bench requesting medical assistance and oxygen. I believe by a wee hare the penalty was valid.”

The investigation did highlight a serious incident missed by the referee whilst he was possibly distracted by the thought of his half time snacks. This incident involved the mid-fielder Mr Martin Burke and his deliberate attempt to disable the Kenyan keeper.

However, in the interest of international harmony we have decided not to pursue the incident.

In summary we appreciate the spirit of gamesmanship shown by both teams, but we believe on this occasion the youth won out.